**The Tail Chronicles is mainly for me to put into words how a night of boozing, women, and poor decisions came to pass. I feel that it would only benefit me to take a step back and revisit these nights, so I may either learn to relive each of them again, or avoid them all together**
Tail Chronicles #4
The popular kids at my high school called themselves "The Cool Breezers"...what a bunch of fucking morons. They all turned out to be fat and miserable later in life. I never identified myself as one of them although I easily could have. I was good in sports, didn't look like a complete troll, and proficient enough in the classroom so as not to be labeled a dumb jock. I was friends with everyone. Rule #1 to getting a chick is to be friendly. When I meet a girl in a bar, I never go into it thinking that I want to fuck them. I go into it thinking that I want them to fuck me. There is a big difference. If you see a smoking hot girl in a bar, you need to find a time to "bump" into her...let her know you're friendly, but not down to fuck her. Make some small talk for about a minute, and then get the fuck away. Read More to Continue.
Chances are she isn't coming back to talk to you again...unless she is a raging whore. Therefore, you'll have to pick out another opportunity to "bump" into her again. Rule #2 is to be funny. People are funny when they make fun of themselves. It is disarming. Be self-deprecating, and you won't be a virgin for long. Rule #3 is to always make sure she believes she is in control. Fate brought you together remember, and she can walk away whenever the hell she feels like. Those thoughts should constantly be flowing through her head. When she wakes up next to you in the morning, you want her thinking: "God, I can't believe I did that" and not "God, I can't believe I let that happen".
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This story begins in the lobby of the Ritz Carlton hotel in Uptown Charlotte. A woman in a blue dress is sitting at the bar around 11pm. She orders a water, and a cranberry & vodka. An hour later, that very order would change to no water, and a vodka cranberry. *Pay attention to how chicks order their drinks...it will give you a heads up as to their current mental state. Anyways, the woman is I.D. and clearly from out of town...something I noticed from my perch at the end of the bar. There is a group of people at the bar in between us. Some of which are sitting, and some of which are standing. They all seem to know each other. A perfect situation to give up my seat to one lucky bystander and find myself without a place to drink. Time for a relocation. My destination is closer to the target. I make sure my drink is empty before getting anywhere near her. A guy pulling up to a girl with a full drink means only one thing...you're there to talk. A man with an empty drink is there to get a refill. *Be mindful of the bartenders in this situation. Wait for them to become preoccupied before approaching the bar. You don't want them acknowledging you right way. So, I put my glass down as a clear indication to the woman that I was there because I needed another rum and coke...not because I had any interest in her. The bartender was busy serving that big crowd I previously mentioned. This provided the perfect opportunity for small talk #1.
Me: I guess even at the Ritz you're going to have to wait.
Woman: Appears so, but not a bad place to grab a drink.
Me: Few better-looking bars in Charlotte than this one.
Woman: Ah, I wouldn't know. I'm not from around here.
Me: Oh really, where are you from?
Bartender: Can I help you?
Me: Rum and Coke
Woman: Wisconsin
Me: Oh wow. Well welcome to Charlotte, I hope you enjoy it. (That lets her know you plan to leave)
Woman: Thanks a lot.
Me: Take Care
Woman: Bye
Motherfucking jackpot. I stroll over to a couch and listen to the quiet jazz band play in the corner. The woman pulls out her phone and begins to fiddle with it. A key moment approaches as she has finished her first drink and now has the option to stay, or leave. She orders again...this time no water. Ten minutes past. The benefit of being served small drinks is that they go down a hell of a lot quicker. Back to the bar I went...same spot.
Woman: Well that didn't last long.
Me: Yea perhaps I should slow down or I'll myself right back in AA.
Woman: You weren't in AA (with a smile)
Me: Well no, you're right...perhaps one day that yearbook prophecy will come true.
Woman: Ahh, you were the one voted most likely to be in AA?!
Me. Guilty as charged. I wouldn't mind having that "HELLO" sticker with "John" scribbled across it in 4th grade hand-writing though. I didn't catch your name by the way.
Woman: Oh I'm sorry. I'm Elizabeth.
You can see where this is going by now I hope. Let me just say that the rooms at the Ritz are quite nice. The mattresses aren't as nice as the Westin...but they'll do pig, they'll do. I left before she woke.
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This story begins in the lobby of the Ritz Carlton hotel in Uptown Charlotte. A woman in a blue dress is sitting at the bar around 11pm. She orders a water, and a cranberry & vodka. An hour later, that very order would change to no water, and a vodka cranberry. *Pay attention to how chicks order their drinks...it will give you a heads up as to their current mental state. Anyways, the woman is I.D. and clearly from out of town...something I noticed from my perch at the end of the bar. There is a group of people at the bar in between us. Some of which are sitting, and some of which are standing. They all seem to know each other. A perfect situation to give up my seat to one lucky bystander and find myself without a place to drink. Time for a relocation. My destination is closer to the target. I make sure my drink is empty before getting anywhere near her. A guy pulling up to a girl with a full drink means only one thing...you're there to talk. A man with an empty drink is there to get a refill. *Be mindful of the bartenders in this situation. Wait for them to become preoccupied before approaching the bar. You don't want them acknowledging you right way. So, I put my glass down as a clear indication to the woman that I was there because I needed another rum and coke...not because I had any interest in her. The bartender was busy serving that big crowd I previously mentioned. This provided the perfect opportunity for small talk #1.
Me: I guess even at the Ritz you're going to have to wait.
Woman: Appears so, but not a bad place to grab a drink.
Me: Few better-looking bars in Charlotte than this one.
Woman: Ah, I wouldn't know. I'm not from around here.
Me: Oh really, where are you from?
Bartender: Can I help you?
Me: Rum and Coke
Woman: Wisconsin
Me: Oh wow. Well welcome to Charlotte, I hope you enjoy it. (That lets her know you plan to leave)
Woman: Thanks a lot.
Me: Take Care
Woman: Bye
Motherfucking jackpot. I stroll over to a couch and listen to the quiet jazz band play in the corner. The woman pulls out her phone and begins to fiddle with it. A key moment approaches as she has finished her first drink and now has the option to stay, or leave. She orders again...this time no water. Ten minutes past. The benefit of being served small drinks is that they go down a hell of a lot quicker. Back to the bar I went...same spot.
Woman: Well that didn't last long.
Me: Yea perhaps I should slow down or I'll myself right back in AA.
Woman: You weren't in AA (with a smile)
Me: Well no, you're right...perhaps one day that yearbook prophecy will come true.
Woman: Ahh, you were the one voted most likely to be in AA?!
Me. Guilty as charged. I wouldn't mind having that "HELLO" sticker with "John" scribbled across it in 4th grade hand-writing though. I didn't catch your name by the way.
Woman: Oh I'm sorry. I'm Elizabeth.
You can see where this is going by now I hope. Let me just say that the rooms at the Ritz are quite nice. The mattresses aren't as nice as the Westin...but they'll do pig, they'll do. I left before she woke.
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